This week my dad and I are at Oral Roberts University. He is teaching and I am hanging out at their annual boot camp for the students going on missions this summer. Although I don’t feel particularly called to missions and evangelism, I can still learn and glean from this week.
One of the evening speakers has been talking about the theme of the week, “What’s worth it?” Of course, this is meant for kids who are about to leave their warm beds to preach the gospel in third world countries. But it also applies to me, like any good preaching should.What is worth it? Is it family? God? Money? Everyone has their priorities. What is worth the sacrifice, the exclusion of all else? Is it one thing– missions? Money? Or many things (which creates a real problem for many people!) Would you lay down your life for something you believe in? Would you let your family ties dwindle to follow God? Would you let go of morals and ethics to make a bit of cash? What, in your life, is worth what amount of sacrifice.
Part of me is disappointed that I am at a stage of life where I have to figure out what’s worth it to me. What things do I believe? How much am I willing to go through to maintain the standards of those beliefs? How much do I care? I go through phases of days or weeks where I lose all care or motivation for anything– I don’t want to blog, do schoolwork, pray, read, sometimes I don’t even want to watch TV! I just want to sit around and stare at the wall because I have no incentive to do anything else. That’s not a good thing– what if I someday have responsibilities that are more important than a blog post, and I don’t care about them! That’s also not a bad thing either, in my opinion. Sometimes, if you don’t feel like doing something, and you can’t find a reason to do it. You shouldn’t feel guilty for not doing it. In other words, it is what it is! Sometimes, you can force yourself to care more and do, other times, there is nothing inside you to push you.
When you have a self-dependent lifestyle like mine, finding these motivations and focuses are even more important. You have to keep your priorities in the front of your mind constantly, or you lose track of time and get distracted. Priorities are always on my mind! That’s the only way I can get anything done. I have a mind-map of my life that I refer to and update all the time that reminds me of the things currently on my plate to get done and why I do them. Sadly, my priorities come from a set of standards I have imposed on myself, rather than a passions for certain things.
Recently I’ve become more aware of this fact. I have passion and love for things, but it’s usually in passing. Some people breathe, eat, and sleep this one thing that they hang their priorities on. They literally can’t live without doing this one thing. I don’t have any version of that, unless you count my body’s dependence on food, water, and air. I want that burning passion, I’ve been praying for that burning passion. Still waiting.
In the meantime, my priorities have been set based on theory and hypothetical logic. If I practice doing something, I get better. If I finish school soon, I can take the summer off, or go deeper into other things later. If I do the dishes, the dishes will have been done. All of these things are obviously things that are on the list to cross off. But what about those things that I do because I LOVE them, even if they don’t benefit me in some direct way? What about the things I make sacrifices for? What about getting excited about something, enough to forget the dishes, the practicing, the schoolwork? I want that pinpoint-accurate, laser-focus that drives people to do amazing things. I want to have something that, to me, is worth it.
What’s worth it to you?